Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
