her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
