I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
