One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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