i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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