White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Houston, we have a blender
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
