This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
