I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
