dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
