it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
