Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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