just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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