Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
