im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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