I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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