Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
