you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
