Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How does it feel to date your dad?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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