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The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
