apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
