every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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