community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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