My brain says no but my pants say off.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
