he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I want to fling myself into the sun
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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