And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
