please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
