gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
