If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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