There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
