I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
