if you like me you must not know who I am
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
