Say something about gay babies.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
