I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Randomize
