Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
