Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
