It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
