Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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