Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
