U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
