Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
