i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
