she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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