i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
