The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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