I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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