As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
