remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
