are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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