yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
