Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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