Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
